Willow Blythe analyzes the many faces of our classrooms

By Willow Blythe

Photo courtesy of Willow Blythe

Almost every St. Mary’s classroom has its own “mascot,” whether intentionally placed or not. They sit to the side and hold a special place in students’ hearts. I have now taken it upon myself to analyze and score these mascots for the greater good of the student body, using criteria such as style, sentimental value, and how comfortable I feel with them watching me with their unblinking eyes. 

Dr. Sorin’s skeleton | 8/10
This first contender was perfect for the recently-passed spooky season. Despite a skeleton’s unsettling connotations, however, this one is a familiar (and fashionable) friend to all who visit Sorin’s classroom. Sorin has confirmed that the skeleton is not made of real bones. To be honest,  I am not sure which way this affects its overall rating.

Photo courtesy of Willow Blythe

Mrs. Millen’s llamas | 9/10
These precious fuzzy creatures are a stand-out on this list, as there are not one but fourteen of them. Millen has been accumulating these llamas for five years, the collection ever-growing and very much beloved by choir-room-regulars.

Photo courtesy of Willow Blythe

Mrs. Love’s Twilight poster | 7/10
Every time I turn around in Creative Writing, I see it. Bella and Edward’s faces haunt me day by day, and I’m pretty sure they’re critiquing my classwork, too. However, Love’s enthusiasm for all things Twilight makes the poster an appreciated member of the classroom. The poster also fits in well next to the Loki cardboard cutout behind the printer. ​

Photo courtesy of Willow Blythe

Panis the Penguin | 10/10
Look at him! A resident of Dr. McFadden’s room, this penguin was bought by Ann Wilson (12) at the Chattanooga Aquarium almost three years ago, and he is by far the most adorable contender on this list. The little ribbon around his neck balances out the threatening energy of the safety scissors he holds. He receives extra points because his name means “bread” in Latin (#latinhelps).

Photo courtesy of Willow Blythe

The Ansley Skipper Cut-Out | -27/10
Why is she still here? Why was she banished to Dr. Lyon’s closet? Is this the real Ansley Skipper and the one walking around in the real world is a fake? Will the cardboard incarnation of Ansley Skipper fill my backpack with dining hall pudding for giving her such a low score? No one will answer any of my questions.

Photo courtesy of Willow Blythe

Orlando Bloom | 100,000,000/10
The Orlando Bloom cardboard cutout was a staple of Señora Walker’s classroom, and now it makes its home in the senior den, to the appreciation of all of the seniors. I hope that Bloom gets to remain in the den and bring joy to future den inhabitants until people no longer remember why he’s here.