Haiku is the new love letter

By Kate Stukenborg

St. Mary’s students reveal the inside scoop on their love lives via haikus.

Valentine’s day is an invitation to supersize. Walgreens aisles-turned-shrines to cupid are crammed with five-foot teddy bears, chocolates the size of your palm, and huge gift bags adorned with hearts and flying babies. And while there’s nothing wrong with any of these, the world is just not big enough for it all. But fear not, I have come up with the perfect solution! Bring on the bears, the bonbons, and the boxes, because this year I’m making room for all of it. My plan is merely to minimize the most overinflated and overrated facet of Valentine’s day: feelings. Indulging in dramatic displays of emotion or drowning in the complications of a relationship takes time and energy that should be spent eating a 12 oz Hershey’s Kiss, and I’m tired of it. This year, I’m simplifying all the unnecessary mush and melodrama, one haiku at a time. Please enjoy these concise yet poignant 17-syllable love stories written by St. Mary’s Turkeys themselves. ​

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​​Romantic dinner:
Milkshake, burger, extra fries
But hold the boyfriend.

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​I love Mrs. Levi
​Physics is my Valentine
Love Fapp sin theta


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I want a boyfriend
Single as a sole pringle
Ready to mingle

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Dating a Brother
A Cheerleader for the Owls
​Welp, this is awkward

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Never been prouder
To love and be loved by her,
Light of the whole world

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I have no love life.
Boys are stupid and icky!
​… me still wants the boys.

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When you are lonely
The only man you see is...
Barack Obama <3

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I’m deeply in love
Gold locks, caramel eyes, but
​She barks when she’s mad

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Such a vibrant heart,
She loves me and leaves me with
​Lingering kisses

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Graham is a Spartan
I just want to touch his hair:
A silky brown bush.